i put out candles with my fingertips
by kusudama.ball
Summary: Because Austin is a rockstar and does rockstar things, like showing up drunk on her doorstep at three in the morning. Austin&Ally.


Disclaimer: I don't own Austin&Ally.

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><p>She only lets him as far as her front door.<p>

"Shouldn't you be at the after party?" Ally accuses, her arms crossed in front of her like a shield. It's three in the morning and she needs to put as many barriers as she can between them to stop herself from making a mistake.

Austin blinks sleepy eyes at her and leans forward, close, so close that she can feel his heartbeat echo through both their chests. His shirt smells like girls and his breath smells like beer.

Ally's never smelled anything more repulsive.

"Shouldn't you be at the after party?" Austin tosses back at her, alcohol slurring his words together into a flurry of drunken accusation.

She's never gone to an after party. Ally has never seen the need to watch Austin drink himself into oblivion and beat his own record on how many girls he can pick up in one night. She tells him as much.

Austin makes his displeased face at her. "It looks bad if my songwriter isn't there to celebrate with me."

"And I would hate for you to look bad." Ally fires back. She shoves him away from her, far enough that she no longer has to smell the alcohol all over him. "Trish doesn't go either, and I don't see you on her doorstep at ungodly hours of the morning."

He doesn't say anything in response and Ally thinks she's won. She's about to shut the door when he suddenly lunges towards her and wraps his arms around her waist.

Austin forces his lips onto hers. It's not a romantic kiss, and it's not a gentle one, but it's passionate. What Austin lacks in motor control he makes up for in sheer force of emotion. Ally can feel every line of his body pressed against hers - she can even feel the little metal zipper of his jacket digging into her stomach, the hard bone of his knee knocking against her leg. They break apart for air at the very last second.

"I love you."

Ally wants desperately to believe him - and for a glorious second, she does. But the moment passes and she can taste the beer on his lips, smell the alcohol on his breath, feel the shakiness of his footing. Ally pushes him away from her but her movements are heavy with regret.

"You're just here because your girl of the week didn't want to leave the party with you," Ally whispers, and clutches her hand to her chest. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough she can crush her heart back together. "Go home, Austin."

She slams the door in his face.

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><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_Austin showed up at my door last night…and he told me he loved me. _

_He was drunk. I don't know what to do - I want to believe him when he kisses me like that and when he tells me he loves me but I just can't. He can't love me, he couldn't really, not when he's always flirting with other girls or taking them on dates or - whatever he does with girls at those stupid after parties he always goes to. I don't even think I want to know what he gets up to there, especially not if means he ends up knocking at my door and kissing me and - ugh._

_It wouldn't be that bad if he really did love me. It wouldn't be that bad if he was a bad kisser or if he threw up in my bushes or if he said really mean things and I had a reason to hate him or…_

_Or if I didn't love him. _

_Ally_

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><p>"This is the second time and it's already getting old." Ally tells him, frostily, a frown of regret and frustration tugging at the corner of her lips.<p>

Austin smiles blearily at her. "You're right, it is cold…can I come inside, Als?"

"My name is Ally." She tells him, and doesn't take pity on him. It's Miami, and even in the dead of night in the middle of winter, her tank top and sleep shorts keep her warm. He can survive in jeans and a tee shirt. "And we both know it's not cold, you just want to come in. Well, Austin, in case I didn't make this clear enough already, I'm not letting you into my house like that. Go back to your party or something."

"Party's over," Austin mumbles, and reaches out a pale hand towards her. In the moonlight, it almost glows. "I wanted to come celebrate with you."

He can be sly or sincere depending on his mood and Ally isn't sure she'll ever know the difference. "We can celebrate tomorrow." She replies, in a clipped tone, her fingers fisted in her shorts. "When you're not drunk."

"Not drunk," Austin slurs, "I just came by to let you know I love you."

Ally sees it coming but she's too slow to avoid it. Austin leans forward and plants his lips onto her cheek, a gentle gesture she has no intention of accepting. She jerks her head away and wipes her cheek with the back of her hand.

"Aw, Ally, don't be like that- " Austin begins, but Ally cuts him off. "Don't be like what, exactly?"

Austin smiles at her. "Don't try to pretend you don't love me too."

This time, when Austin leans towards her, he goes for a proper kiss, his lips moving against hers, his tongue snaking out to follow the line of her bottom lip. His arms coil around her waist and pull her to him. It's like their first kiss all over again - not gentle or soft but hard and passionate, loving and frightening in its intensity all at once. Ally regains her sense when his tongue slips into her mouth and she tastes alcohol and bitterness. Tears pool in her eyes and she knocks his hands away.

"Next time I won't open the door," Ally tells him, the tears dripping down her cheeks and glistening as they fall, one by one, onto her patio. She pushes him away, watches him stumble and each reminder that he doesn't mean a thing he says breaks her heart a little bit more. Ally give him on last look and shuts the door.

Austin knocks twice more but she doesn't answer.

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><p>They don't say anything the next day.<p>

Ally goes through the motions, her limbs moving from sheer force of habit. Her mouth, ungainly and suddenly very painful, forms the words without her even noticing.

Excuse me, sir, there's no eating in the store.

Yes, we do have E strings for the violin, let me get you one.

Please don't play the drums without permission, didn't you see the sign?

No, I'm sorry, we don't give guitar lessons, but I can recommend you a few places nearby.

Ally rings up a few customers and wishes the rest a good day. The store is nearly empty when Austin visits her to ask about his new song. She tells him the truth.

"It's not ready yet." Ally straightens a cello stand and doesn't look at him. Her book is tucked safely under her pillow on her bed so she has nothing vulnerable to protect from him. "I'm still working on it."

"Oh, that's cool." Austin replies. She says no more and he stays, probably out of some convoluted form of loyalty, idly lounging on the piano bench as she works. Then boredom wins over and he leaves her.

Ally isn't in the mood to entertain him today, not when she can lick her lips and still taste the beer there. She leaves her shift early to go home and brush her teeth.

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><p>"Hi Ally," Austin smiles at her, and for a second she almost believes he's sober. Then he sways on his feet and she chokes on her words, leaning against the cold wood of her doorframe.<p>

"Go away, Austin." Ally finally tells him, her voice cracking in sheer desperation. "I'm sick of this."

His smile drops off his face and something dark, almost angry, takes it's place. Austin drunkenly swears, turning his golden head in frustration away from her. Ally sees the despair in his eyes when he faces her again.

"And you know what? I'm sick of you, Ally Dawson. I tell you I love you and you won't believe me and what am I supposed to do?" Austin takes a step towards her and Ally backs away, her vision blurring as the tears gather and she feels a hot, desolate prickling in the back of her eyes. "What is this now? The third time? Three times that I've come over here to spill my heart out to you. I love you but you keep turning away. How many times will it take until you believe me, Ally? How long do I have to keep torturing myself until you understand?"

Ally wants nothing more than for him to shut up. Austin seizes her by the forearms and draws her towards him, his hands hot against her bare skin. Their eyes meet. "I love you. I love you, Ally Dawson. I love you and nobody else."

But then Austin releases her, just as suddenly as he had grabbed her.

"But I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of coming here and getting turned away and staying up at night thinking about you. Turn me away already! Kill off my hopes for good! Just tell me that you don't love me so I can find a different girl to dream about at night- "

_Slap._

Ally removes her hand from his cheek and shoves him, so hard that he nearly falls off her porch. He catches himself at the last moment and rights himself in time for her to rain soft, desperate blows on his chest. "Shut up, Austin, shut up, shut up. I don't want to hear your crap! I don't need you to stand their and complain about how miserable I'm making your life when you're making my life a hundred times worse! How do you think I feel?"

The tears fall, painting little salty rivers across her cheeks as she continues pounding ineffectively on him. "I love you, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I love you, Austin Moon! I love you."

Ally loses the control she has over her hands and they fall, her fists uncurling, to her sides. She can't stop the tears now, and they come like a waterfall. Austin, silent, catches her in his arms and the two of them stand still in the moonlight like that, Ally cradled against him. The world falls silent around them.

For Ally, content with feeling the rise and fall of his breathing, an eternity passes.

"I really do love you." Ally finally says, quietly, all of her emotions spent. She stretches onto the tips of her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. "I really do. And I know that you say you love me. I want to believe that. And I will, if you ever tell me while you're…sober."

"I am sober," Austin whispers to her, his mouth at the corner of her ear. "I am."

Ally's not stupid. One look into his unfocused, reddened eyes and she knows. But she's not strong either - and, through the blurry tears in her eyes, she leans back, giving him just enough space to slip through the door and through her shields, into her house.

The door locks behind them.

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><p>Eh, is it just me, or is Austin coming off a little too sleazy? Oh well. This fic Ally apparently likes her men sleazy.<p>

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't been working on my other story, The 'Fun' Week, instead...but the next chapter's almost done, I promise.

Reviews always appreciated!


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